From Austin to Denver

My aunt Rosie decided to get married. We in the family were delighted. This is a person who struggled her entire life to have a partnership, a relationship, a love, and she never had one. You see, she believes in the rules governed by her past. She believes in the marriage model. That’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to grow up and get married, and you do all that is possible to make certain that that happens. That’s what they taught people in Kansas in the 1940s.

My dad followed the rule to the letter. His family didn’t have the money to help him go to college, so he had to figure out ways to get there himself to school. He was a runner, so he garnered an athletic scholarship to attend university in Kansas. There he ran the 400 meter hurdles in track and field events. He was good, even holding the American record in the event for a while. He participated in the AAU Championships, finishing second. In doing so, he would have been selected to the 1956 Olympic team to run in that event. In fact, he received an official invitation. However, two things got in the way. First, the Olympics were being held in Melbourne, Australia, and there weren’t the financial means for him to go. But more importantly, he had asked my mother for her hand in marriage. As a result, he stayed in Kansas to get married and attend graduate school rather than participate in the Olympics. I asked Dad why he chose to get married rather than run in the Olympic Games, and he said that he didn’t choose. The choice was already made for him. In Kansas, that simply was not done in those days. He had decided to get married, so that was the most important task at hand. To him, the Olympics were not even a consideration.

My friend Jenny from Texas had a similar story. She was in her last semester of university when she received her marriage proposal. Instead of graduating, she got married, and she didn’t complete the last semester of her degree. I asked her why she made such a choice, and she explained to me that it wasn’t a choice. The decisions of the culture had already made the decision for her, so the move to get married and forget school was as natural as breathing. She did ultimately complete her degree, but it would be 20 years later.

Well, my aunt Rosie grew up in such an environment as well. But she had no success in finding anyone to spend her life with. The problem was that she didn’t really want a husband as much as she wanted Julie Andrews. And one can imagine that it was difficult for a woman to find a lifelong partner that resembled Mary Poppins or Maria von Trapp in Kansas in the 60s. Still Rosie tried, but she remained single for 30 years.

Well, Rosie finally met Jane in the 90s, and they sent me a fax, asking me to play piano at their commitment ceremony. I was delighted, so I flew up to Denver to attended their wedding