HAVANA -- To disagree with something and to be tired of enduring something are rights enjoyed by free and righteous people. I consider myself deserving of that option.

A month after being released on parole and even though I haven't yet organized my private life, I feel again the need to re- cord my impressions. I have found a political stage where speeches from the 1960s are still made and power is brandished in mass demonstrations, this time using as a pretext a boy who stands in the line of fire between the government and part of the Cuban exile community in the United States.

Although the domestic opposition has in a way increased its activities, it remains weak, divided, isolated and partially penetrated. It has won few spaces, occasionally at the price of imprisonment.

What's most important to me is the penury now afflicting a major segment of the population. The deterioration in the standard of living of some social groups is definitely alarming.

Buying the basic items for the family food basket is difficult, sometimes impossible. The prices of most products are beyond the reach of the ordinary Cuban. Add to this the difficulties involving housing, transportation, electricity and water, among others. The vexation generated by public proceedings pervades daily life; bureaucracy, an important factor of state power, makes paperwork seem interminable. Even the official media comment on such delays.

I have found the economy to be more inefficient than before. Never mind that the gross domestic product reportedly grew 6.2 percent last year -- the country's economic performance does not hint at positive changes in the living conditions of the more than 11 million Cubans.

I find it incredible to hear from the highest leaders of government that they're ``embarrassed'' because they can't raise lettuce, flowers, tomatoes, peppers and other agricultural produce. From this fertile land, a land that seems to have been blessed by the hand of God?

The family, an institution that constitutes the nucleus of society, has become increasingly fragile. The concept of family -- which during previous generations allowed children to follow and replicate the example of their parents -- continues to deteriorate.
BEREFT OF HOPE

If we accept the premise that ideology arises from the conscience of the human condition, what is the real condition of our people? To me, the answer is plain: Our people are bereft of hope. To them, the word future is uncertain.

From the social point of view, this is reflected in the fact that women don't want to have children. In the 1960s, when a great many Cubans believed in the government's promises, a demographic explosion occurred. The population grew at a remarkable rate. They now are growing old, and by the year 2015 it will become difficult to maintain an adequate labor force. The mass emigration of young people will aggravate that situation.

Social unrest also is accompanied by a search for escape through prostitution, drugs, alcohol and the desire to emigrate. The quest to solve one's individual problems leads to a loss of social involvement. Man fulfills his own life but doesn't transform his social relations.

Could it be that the country doesn't want to hear about changes? Social self-censorship, which leads most Cubans to obey the wishes of the dictatorship, creates a kind of ``unreal'' reality. Information managers repeat, over and over, that Cubans live in the best of all possible worlds.What's most important to me is the penury now afflicting a major segment of the population.
The events that have occurred in these 40 years of totalitarianism have left physical scars on our population: the breakup of families; the mothers who lost their sons in the various foreign wars entered in the name of ``internationalism''; the deaths of so many Cubans who attempted to cross the Florida Straits; the people denounced in ``acts of repudiation.'' And how could we forget the Mariel exodus!

Doubtless, once a political solution is reached in this country, we'll have to issue a call to reconciliation, lest Cubans continue to stir up hatred and rancor.

In the final analysis, the people have to create their own history from the inside. With our whole hearts, we must find the solution. We don't have to look elsewhere for the things we can enjoy here. We must put an end to the ``fear of change'' syndrome.