Lec. 10. Chapter 5.
Friendship, Love, and Commitment
IV. Wheel Theory: Reiss’s (1980) 4 processes love develop/maintain; mutually interdep
1.
rapport:sense of ease,understanding each other; dep
on share cult background
2.
self-revelation:since rapport relax,disclose
intimate feeling;MC <reservedUC
3.
mutual
dependency:w/rapport&rev,each need share other’s pleasure,fear,sex
4.
fulfillment of need for intimacy: for person to
love, confide in, get sympathy
V. How Do I Love Thee?
Approaches to the Study of Love
A. 6 Styles of love (Lee 1973,88):relationship styles(not individual);partner find same
1.
Eros: delight
in tactile, sensual, immediate; beauty (every detail) attracts
2.
Ludus: love if fun game to be played, not deeply
involved; casual, carefree
3.
Storge: b/ companions w/o fever, tumult, folly;
peaceful; begins as friendship
4.
Mania: (mad);sleepless nights;pain;
roller-coaster;sign love bring temp ectasy
5.
Agape:chaste,patient,selfless,understand;no expect
reciprocate;saints>couples
6.
Pragma:logical;meet needs by find partner same
background, interests, ed, rel
B. Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg 1986): 3 components (pts of triangle)
1. Intimacy:warm feeling of bonding-e.g. further partner’ welfare,mutual support
2. Passion: romance,attraction,sexuality;fueled by needs:esteem,sex,dominate,etc.
3. Decision/commitment:short-term decision you love person;long-term maintain
4. 8 basicbasic ways of combining: liking (intimacy): basis close friendships,
enduring; romantic love (intimacy,passion): >intense than liking w/ phys/emot attraction;
infatuation(passion):love at 1st sight, hi arousal,obsessive,freq asym;fatuous love(passion,
commit): deceptive, whirlwind, soon marry,passion fades; companionate love (intimacy, commit):
as passion fades, intimacy increases, no satis seek affairs; consummate love (all 3); nonlove:
attach for fear,money,neurosis.
5. geometry of love: better match b/ each person’s triangle (i,p,c), the more satis
C. Attachment Theory:early life attachment(roots in infancy)influence later relations
1. common aspects of romantic love & infant attach to parents:reciprocation,
happy if object present, share gift, coo & sing, feelings of oneness w/ object
2. 3 styles of infant attach (Ainsworth et al. 1978): secure: infant feel secure
when mom out of sight;confident mom protect/care for; anxious ambivalent:
anxiety,insecure when mom leaves; avoidant: sense mom’s detachment/reject
when desires body contact,germinating avoidance behavior w/mom as defense
a.secure adults:feel ok dep on others;feel others like them;relat last avg 10 yr
b anx/ambiv:worry lover leave;want merge;freq obsessive;hi’s/lows;last 5 yr
c avoidant adults: discomfort w/close; distrust;fear dep;hi’s/lows;last avg6 yr
VI. Unrequited Love:love not returned;3 dif attachment styles assoc (Aron et al. 1989):
1.Cyrano:(anx/amb)want rel w/specific person;he/she is so wonderful(e.g.,Roxanne)
2.Giselle:(secure)misread cues,mistake friendly for;in ballet misled Count Albrecht
3.Don Quiote:(avoid)want to be in love period;be seen romantic>import than actual rel
VII. Jealousy: not measure of love but insecurity/possessiveness
1. 2 types(Bringle&Bunk ‘91):suspicious:no basis/ambig evid;reactive: partner reveal
2. gender dif when jealous: men get angry, fems also, but suppress & grow depressed
a. cause:cultural restraints prohibiting women from displaying anger;+powerlessness
3.Tibet’s fraternal polyandry:ideal>1 husband(bros)maximize men plowing difficult terrain;
brothers raised value loyalty,cooperation;oldest selects, take turns sleeping with; important each
brother have a son; if 2nd wife—sororal polygynous fraternal polyandry
VIII. The Transformation of Love: From Passion to Intimacy:
A. passionate love:unstable;>satis if replace w/quieter, lasting companionate love
B. latent intimacy: grows over time (not conscious) forges deeper,>enduring bonds
C. marital satisfaction c-shaped curve: romance grows when children leave home
D. commitment:“determine to cont.” based on conscious choice rather than feelings