Lec. 11. Chap. 6 Communication and Conflict Resolution

I.Ver/Nonverb Com:verbal=content;nonverb tell attitude(eg.hostile)&interpret(eg.joke)

II. Nonverbal Communication: Noller (1984) reports 3 important functions in marriage:

1.conveys interpersonal attitudes:shows how 2 get along;rolling eyes signals rel flaws

2.expressing emotions:thru bodies;if depressed walk slowly,frown;share feel w/partner

3.handle ongoing interaction: posture & eye contact signal interest or boredom

4.most important forms: proximity, eye contact, and touch

a. proximity: nearness in phys space&time;less distance signals >intimacy/threat

b. cult. misinterpet: neutral dist for Latinos maybe too close (seductive)for Anglos

i. result: if Anglo mistakenly flirts in response, Latino may think Anglo initiating

c. satisfied couples spend >time together:7 hrs/day vs. 5 hrs for distressed couples

d. eye contact: signals interest if longer than usual;couples in agree have >contact

e. touch:babies thrive;freq signals intimacy;maybe most intimate;promts disclosure

f. cult:Latin,Jew,black touch >Anglo-Am >Asian-Am;no gender dif in freq/initiate

Hierarchy Family Rules:form unconscious from habit;from power struggle/consensus

1. example:no one will discuss daddy’s drinking; meta-rule:no talk causing problems

2. feedback: response influencing others, permitting sys change; negative feeback:

signals no need to change;positive feeback signals deviation from sys normal state(eg tell

husband stop yelling); pos feedback spiral: escalation, e.g. if rules allow anger expression

III.Gend. Dif in Communication: fem smile more,face express>range emotions; control

&claim<space; >eye contact w/interaction; use>qualifiers(eg it’s sort of cold), >tag ques,

>polite tones; >words for color,texture,food,relationships,feelings; <profanity; <cross-sex

interrupt;same-sex >personal info vs. safe topics(sports,pol)of men;dif fit sex dom/subord

IV. Commun Pattern&Marriage:bef mar good predictor after since no likely improve

A. Self-disclosure: prior to marriage associated with later satisfaction & commitment

B. Honey moon effect: once gone after first year, neg communication leads < satisfac

C. Satisfied couple:accept nondestruc conflict;disclose;>talking;accurate decode mes

D. Gender dif: wives clearer,<neutral messages to husb;reply more;<withdraw

1. husband’s inputs: less important in setting climate for resolve/escalate conflict

2. husbands:tend reason,conciliate,postpone/end argument;fem>emot appeal/threat

a. example:wife >likely ask “Don’t you love me?” vs. husband’s “Be reasonable”

E. Unique Black patterns: emotional vitality (animated use words), realness (telling

it like it is w/concrete, non-abstract words), direct experience (no substitute for that gained

in actual life), mother wit (practical wisdom >value books,lectures)

F. Latino Patterns: trad assume intimate feelings not discussed openly, formality in

relations between spouses(no deep intimacy/intense conflict);neg feel not expressed make

nonverbal>important;since no accept confront,partners keep secrets&share only w/friends

G. Asian-Am: less verbal &expressive;rely >on indirect&nonverbal com eg. silence;

avoid confrontation since harmony valued;skirt around issues;person must interpret cues